As parents, we want to shield our children from the difficult and often painful realities of life. But when bad things happen, whether it’s a family crisis, a loss, or a tragic event in the world, it becomes important to talk to our kids. These conversations can be hard, but they’re essential for helping children process their emotions and feel supported. Here are 10 ways on how to talk to your child when bad things happen, with practical tips and examples.
1. Create a Safe and Calm Space for the Conversation
Before you start the conversation, make sure the environment is calm and your child feels safe. If your child senses tension or panic, they may struggle to open up or feel overwhelmed. Choose a quiet place, maybe their bedroom or a cozy corner, where they feel secure.
Example: If you’re discussing a family member’s illness, sit together on the couch, gently holding their hand, and reassure them that it’s okay to feel whatever they’re feeling. Starting the conversation with, “We need to talk about something difficult, but you are safe, and we will get through this together,” can ease their nerves.
2. Be Honest, But Age-Appropriate
Children need the truth, but the way you share it should depend on their age and developmental level. Younger children don’t need all the details, but older kids and teens can handle more complex information.
Example: If there’s been a natural disaster, for a young child, you could say, “There was a big storm in another place, and some people got hurt.” For an older child, you might explain, “A tornado hit a town far away, and unfortunately, some people lost their homes.”
3. Use Simple and Clear Language
When bad things happen, children can become confused or scared, especially if they don’t understand what’s being said. Avoid euphemisms and vague terms; use clear, straightforward language to explain the situation.
Example: Instead of saying, “Grandpa went to a better place,” you could say, “Grandpa passed away. That means his body stopped working, and he’s not here with us anymore.”
4. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Children often experience a wide range of emotions during difficult times—fear, sadness, confusion, anger. It’s important to acknowledge their feelings and let them know that whatever they’re feeling is okay.
Example: If your child says they’re scared after hearing about a school shooting on the news, you can respond, “I understand why you feel scared. It’s really hard to hear about things like this, and it’s okay to feel that way.”
5. Encourage Questions and Answer Them Honestly
Children often have many questions when bad things happen. Encourage them to ask anything they need to understand the situation better, and answer as honestly as possible, while keeping their developmental level in mind.
Example: If your child asks, “Why do people die?” you might say, “All living things eventually die, and it’s a part of life. It’s okay to feel sad when someone we love passes away.” Be patient, and remember, it’s okay to say, “I don’t know,” if you don’t have all the answers.
6. Reassure Them About Their Safety
Children may feel unsafe or worried that something bad will happen to them or their loved ones after a difficult event. It’s important to reassure them that they are safe and that you are there to protect them.
Example: After a car accident involving a family friend, you could tell your child, “Accidents happen, but we take steps to stay safe, like wearing seatbelts. We do everything we can to protect ourselves.”
7. Model Healthy Emotional Expression
Children look to adults for cues on how to handle emotions. If you’re sad, it’s okay to let them see you cry. If you’re angry, it’s helpful to talk about it calmly. This shows them that emotions are normal and that it’s okay to express them.
Example: If you’re feeling sad about the loss of a pet, you might say, “I’m feeling really sad because I miss our dog. It’s okay to cry when we’re sad.” This models that it’s safe to feel and express emotions.
8. Keep the Lines of Communication Open
Sometimes, children don’t know how to respond right away or may not fully process what’s happened. Let them know that they can come to you anytime to talk, even days or weeks after the initial conversation.
Example: You can say, “If you ever have more questions about what happened or want to talk about it later, you can always come to me. I’ll always be here for you.”
9. Stick to Routines as Much as Possible
During difficult times, sticking to routines can provide comfort and stability for children. Bad things happening can make the world feel unpredictable to a child, so keeping regular mealtimes, bedtimes, and family traditions helps them feel more grounded.
Example: After a family tragedy, continue having dinner together at the same time every night. This shows your child that life, while different, is still stable and predictable in many ways.
10. Offer Extra Comfort and Reassurance
When children are facing difficult news or situations, they may need extra physical and emotional comfort. Be there to offer hugs, soothing words, or even extra time spent together doing comforting activities like reading or playing a game.
Example: After discussing a hard topic like a divorce, make an effort to spend more one-on-one time with your child in the days that follow. Whether it’s a movie night, a walk, or baking cookies together, these moments will help reinforce that they’re loved and supported.
Final Thoughts
When bad things happen, talking to your child can be tough. But by being honest, patient, and supportive, you create an opportunity to strengthen your connection with your child and help them navigate their feelings. These conversations are not just about the tough topics—they’re about showing your child that, no matter what, you are their safe place. If you find the need for additional support around the hard things, please know KidStuff Counseling is here for you and your family!
